I have recently spoken to my father and Liz (his gf) about some slightly disturbing changes in my life and in my home that are making themselves apparent. First and foremost is my brother joining the Army. While I agree with his decision, I've lost the biggest motivator and example in my life. He is currently in a hotel in Albany and will be taking a plane to Fort Benning, GA, to start Basic. After a handful of months of hell, he may come home on a short leave (or may not, to lengthen his time on his X-Mas Leave) but then he'll be stationed somewhere else, hopefully not overseas, for 3 years minimum -when his contract ends. After that, he's sure he wants to re-enlist for a longer period (he said 20 years) but that is subject to change, I suppose. Either way that means that is one less highly-valued person in my life that I relied on. I suppose it's for the better though. Secondly is the rapidly declining condition of my -mine and my father's -house. To describe it would be next to impossible but lets just settle with the fact that it is definitely affecting my daily mental balance and causing me to be deppressed almost constantly while I'm here. As much as working sucks, it gets me out of the house, so I enjoy my time away while I can. The reason it's such a mess here is that nothing ever stays clean, and it's easy to lose motivation when there seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel. It's an excuse I know, however valid, but it still doesn't excuse the condition we've let it deteriorate to and become.Now I am at a breaking point and my father is, due to his sleep apnea and obviously extreme laziness, unable to "pitch in" as much as the rest of us or pull his own weight. I've given my him a choice, of which he's chosen the latter. He could have either; 1) Pitch in, pull his weight, and lead by example, with all the decisions and creative freedom resting on him. Or..2) Let me take the reins and I will provide most if not all of the motivation to restore this house back to the way it was, using any resources and means necessary -on the terms that he stay out of my way. All decisions are mine and all credit is mine. His role will be minimal as I will use him as a consult and a financier. The number one option I am open to where he is not would be the inclusion of my outside family, who in the past have criticized his (dis) ability to run this house and keep it as a home proper, which he hates. But that is the price he's willing to pay, as my one rule, is that to lead, you must lead by example. So basically, this is my bitch and will be done according to what I need it to be.
Quick update about work. I've been at Shoprite for about 5 months now and have gone from doing the late shift at 25 hours maximum a week to 41 hours this week, working 12-9 or 9-5 and making upwards of $250 a week while training someone to fill in for me at night during the 9-5 days. As much as Shoprite sucks as a whole, this is the best job I've ever had. Identities assume usAs nine and five add upSynchronizing watchesTo the seconds that we lost
I don't believe I was created. I believe I was the product of a glorious random happening that started millions of years ago. I don't belive there is a point to my existance, but I have since made my own purpose for life, rather than try and find one that by all accounts probably doesn't exist. I live my life with one purpose: to experience. I want to experience everything there is, or as much of it as I can fit into my life. The worst possible outcome of my life is that I die without knowing what falling for a mile feels like, or how a rare white flower from the top of a mountain in England smells, or being able to take pride in something that I've said, written, drawn, or fought for that affected at least one other person's life for the better. I want to die remembering how I've lived.
